Let me start this post by saying I have obviously slept with a lot of different women over the last ten years or so. Just recently I think there has been a trend catching on among females in the bedroom, which at first I thought was awesome, but like all good things there needs to be an end soon. The trend that I am talking about that caught on faster than you can take home the girl at the bar with grass stains on her knees and puke on her shirt is SQUIRTING!
Yes, at first I thought this was awesome, but after the first couple of times you have to think about how expensive sheets and blankets are, and other objects this female projectile may hit.
Seriously though who do you girls think you are? Spider man? You're gonna get all excited and shoot your female web on my TV or something.
I get that some girls do it involuntarily, but usually the ones that can't help the situation don't scream at you to rub their clits and then let loose on you like a fire hose.
Yes, at first I thought this was awesome, but after the first couple of times you have to think about how expensive sheets and blankets are, and other objects this female projectile may hit.
Seriously though who do you girls think you are? Spider man? You're gonna get all excited and shoot your female web on my TV or something.
I get that some girls do it involuntarily, but usually the ones that can't help the situation don't scream at you to rub their clits and then let loose on you like a fire hose.
One of my first experiences with this: I was sleeping with this chick who is a little younger than me -- I think she had just turned 21 -- and she was a little immature. She was fun in bed and came around at fairly convenient times. She also gave amazing blow jobs -- I mean, she goes to work on me like a wet vac in a basement of a house in Louisiana during hurricane Katrina.
So on some Wednesday night at like 2 AM she calls and asks what I am doing. Being pretty intoxicated at this point it's an easy decision: I was meeting her at my house. After we were going at it for a little while I said something akin to “I like how fucking wet you get." Her I-am-21-years-old-and-I-can-just-come-out-and-say-something response was, "You know, I can get really wet if I try.”
Being twenty or so drinks in, I am very interested in what this implies. I think my ultimate goal that night was to make her ejaculate, hit my wall or mirror or something, take a picture or go get my roommate and show him for proof. So we carry on and after about another 15 minutes or so the screaming and convulsing starts and she lets loose on me.
I'm not talking about a little water pistol, I am talking about the super soaker 1000 -- if you were born in the 80's you know what I mean. If not, I will give you a more up-to-date image: She did to my bed what BP did to the Gulf. No joke, I was laying in a puddle and my stomach and thighs look like I just jumped in a pool. Because she was on top of me, I didn't get her to hit the walls or the mirror but I had a two foot by two foot wet circle on my sheets. That in itself was enough for me and my roommate to get a a good laugh out of for a week.
In closing, when a guy is drunk this whole squirting thing can be entertaining, but I think you ladies need to keep your juices to yourself. I understand that us as men shoot every time we get off but we only aim for stomachs, breast or faces. Yes you may catch something in the eye and it may burn for a few seconds, but we are not putting any electronics or other possible expensive surfaces around the bed in any immediate danger.
