For the good part of the summer I party at a beach club that for the most part contains strippers, juice monkeys and cougars, and the rest of the females that don't fall into those categories have loose morals and could be put into a number of other categories.
This is a perfect area for me to operate in because most juice monkeys can't think for themselves so have zero game. Some are just entirely too big and normal broads don't find that attractive. So for me to get laid in a place like this is like fishing with hand grenades, and by that I mean not just easy but culminates in an explosion that makes me happy and other people wet.
Recently at my summertime hangout an old aquaintance introduces me to vodka waters with a couple lemons. They are so delicious I proceed to drink about twelve of them over the course of the next four hours. My vision should have been impaired at this time but I was still able to spot the biggest tits I have ever seen in my life on a girl that had to have been under a hundred pounds. She walks up to the entrance from the beach to the club and sits at a table with a bunch of girls who had already been staring at me like a fat girl stares at a cheese burger.
I grab my friend Dewy who is a great wing man. He is a good looking kid and once he gets drunk, which at this point he was, he has absolutely no standards. After I introduce myself -- probably with some fake name to avoid any future paternity suits -- myself and Dewy have a seat at their table. Dewy purchases the girls a few pitchers of some fruity drinks that I have no recollection of drinking but apparently I was pounding.
After partying with these girls for a little while I believe that I got up to go to the bathroom and some how got trapped in the middle of a bachelor party doing shots of Patron. This is where my memory gets a little blurry... I remember a bunch of women in their 30's drinking from penis straws all wearing purple shirts and pouring tequila down my throat and touching me in inapropriate places, and who am I to tell them not to? The next thing I remember was a cougar probably in her early 40's sitting on my lap.
She was very attractive for her age and had nice fake tits. I remember her telling me that she had a kid my age and I remember the lap dance she gave me. I would like this story to end in the way my stories normally would end in me taking home this old broad and doing strange, unheard of things to her that her old ass has not experienced yet, but no, I somehow left without her.
I ended up at a bar that everyone goes to late night, getting way too drunk for my own good and leaving with what was later to be described to me as two farm animals. Somehow I got separated from all of my friends, who probably left me because I was parading around with ugly chicks.
I walk the wrong way trying to get back to my friend's house and have to call someone to come pick me up. My friend comes to get me in his pick up truck, still very intoxicated. Refusing to leave the farm animals I ended up riding in the bed of his truck in the rain. After arriving back at my friend's house he goes to sleep and Dewy is passed out on the couch.
Drinking a couple beers in the kitchen I am starting to sober up and realize I am running a fucking petting zoo. I do what every good friend does: I wake Dewy's ass up and tell him he better get in the kitchen and be a good fucking wing man. I lead him into the petting zoo, sit him down, crack a beer for him, then return to where he was sleeping and pass out.
I am happy to conclude this story in telling that I have not slept with any farm animals.
This is a perfect area for me to operate in because most juice monkeys can't think for themselves so have zero game. Some are just entirely too big and normal broads don't find that attractive. So for me to get laid in a place like this is like fishing with hand grenades, and by that I mean not just easy but culminates in an explosion that makes me happy and other people wet.
Recently at my summertime hangout an old aquaintance introduces me to vodka waters with a couple lemons. They are so delicious I proceed to drink about twelve of them over the course of the next four hours. My vision should have been impaired at this time but I was still able to spot the biggest tits I have ever seen in my life on a girl that had to have been under a hundred pounds. She walks up to the entrance from the beach to the club and sits at a table with a bunch of girls who had already been staring at me like a fat girl stares at a cheese burger.
I grab my friend Dewy who is a great wing man. He is a good looking kid and once he gets drunk, which at this point he was, he has absolutely no standards. After I introduce myself -- probably with some fake name to avoid any future paternity suits -- myself and Dewy have a seat at their table. Dewy purchases the girls a few pitchers of some fruity drinks that I have no recollection of drinking but apparently I was pounding.
After partying with these girls for a little while I believe that I got up to go to the bathroom and some how got trapped in the middle of a bachelor party doing shots of Patron. This is where my memory gets a little blurry... I remember a bunch of women in their 30's drinking from penis straws all wearing purple shirts and pouring tequila down my throat and touching me in inapropriate places, and who am I to tell them not to? The next thing I remember was a cougar probably in her early 40's sitting on my lap.
She was very attractive for her age and had nice fake tits. I remember her telling me that she had a kid my age and I remember the lap dance she gave me. I would like this story to end in the way my stories normally would end in me taking home this old broad and doing strange, unheard of things to her that her old ass has not experienced yet, but no, I somehow left without her.
I ended up at a bar that everyone goes to late night, getting way too drunk for my own good and leaving with what was later to be described to me as two farm animals. Somehow I got separated from all of my friends, who probably left me because I was parading around with ugly chicks.
I walk the wrong way trying to get back to my friend's house and have to call someone to come pick me up. My friend comes to get me in his pick up truck, still very intoxicated. Refusing to leave the farm animals I ended up riding in the bed of his truck in the rain. After arriving back at my friend's house he goes to sleep and Dewy is passed out on the couch.
Drinking a couple beers in the kitchen I am starting to sober up and realize I am running a fucking petting zoo. I do what every good friend does: I wake Dewy's ass up and tell him he better get in the kitchen and be a good fucking wing man. I lead him into the petting zoo, sit him down, crack a beer for him, then return to where he was sleeping and pass out.
I am happy to conclude this story in telling that I have not slept with any farm animals.
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